Auto-Ethnography Draft #2

Jake Pavlica
Composing the Self
Auto-Ethnography
Draft #2

Who are we and what defines us

In the early morning hours, the shades still shut preventing the grey gloom of the morning from fulling waking me, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Like a stranger passing on the street I don’t often give myself a second glance when I pass my reflection. On this day I turned back around and faced myself. Brushing my teeth and thinking about which plaid shirt I’ll wear today a singular question pings around my head like a pin ball machine; who am I?
I usually don’t give such existential questions the time of day. Asking myself metaphysical questions has never been something that gives me clarity, rather it just clouds my mind with so much thought that I begin picking apart every aspect of my being until only the surface level exoskeleton remains. For this reason I found this question interesting to explore. What really makes up an identity? The first thing I jump to is my experience. I have gone through public schooling, found a passion for art, and I’m fond of weekend debauchery just the same as many others. The small details of the categories we put ourselves in are the ones that make up our own ideas of ourselves.
With this exhibition into the heart of identity I will be interviewing others to find out what it is that makes us tick. For many, the culture they were born into becomes a primary baseline for their personality. Being born into religion, or a deeply rooted culture becomes our first insight into morality, the self, and our own ideals. It can act as guidelines for many; a set of rules to make life more understandable and structured. What I am curious to find out is what happens when someone begins to stray from the lifestyle they have been immersed in since birth. How do we find ourselves again when we begin swimming agains the current of the ideals we have been taught to be sacred.
One thing that is always brought up when speaking about identity is the concept of nature versus nurture. Nature versus nurture posits whether or not we are the sum of our genetics or the product of our environment. For many, the genetics they are given is a major source of their identity, given that certain aspects of life can be easier or difficult judging by the genetic code you are given. Our appearance is what shapes our interactions with society; how people treat us and the groups we find ourselves connecting with. Outside of society comes nurture, which relates to our home and family values. Nurture seeks to understand how our family atmosphere dictates our morales and worldview. The two terms are very much interconnected. I for one think it isn’t a versus relationship, but more of the two walking hand and hand. Either can be supported by the other, but the important takeaway is how does it determine your own mindset.
I was born a white male. Needless to say I have not faces the same amount of adversity as others who have faced systematic oppression in our society. Life can be hard for everyone at times, but being born a white male means that my skin color or gender has never been a factor that made life more difficult. I have always seen myself as an ally to those who have been through hardship with how society or their family has treated them. Though I cannot always relate to someones experience with hardship I lend a empathetic ear to them in order to find out what they have been through and what small things I can do to lessen that burden.
I have a great deal of friends who have experienced being an outsider in places that should feel like homes. In my interviews I will ask the following questions to get down to the root of what it is that led them to the paths they are on now.

(This is where the interviews will come be placed, followed by my other research)

• In what cultural would you say you belong?
  • How do you think that culture has influenced you? (both good and bad)
  • Have there been times where familial or societal standards have challenged your personal beliefs?
  • Describe your childhood? What things stick out? (Cultural or religious practices)
  • Do you think your beliefs were shaped by your environment growing up? Were they determined by your own truth seeking?
  • Was there ever moment where you questioned the beliefs you had been taught? Was there an incident that brought up this questioning?
  • What was your early adolescence like? What were some challenges you faced?
  • When do you feel most like yourself?
  • What culture would you say you belong in now?